Is there someone in your life who abuses drugs or alcohol? Have you struggled with trying to figure out how to get that person sober? If so, you are probably frustrated and aware that your efforts haven't worked. There is a reason for this.
The reason is that you can't get someone sober by doing specific things. You are powerless over a drinker and uses. The secret is in not doing certain things and here is what those are:
Stop Nagging. It doesn't help to nag, lecture, or explain. It only gives the drinker an excuse to say you are so miserable to be around that he has to drink. Your words are wasted energy because the drinker isn't listening. You've been tuned out a long time ago. The lure of alcohol is much stronger than anything you can say.
Stop Belittling. You're angry, frustrated, scared, and disgusted. At times you may even feel contempt. It is natural to want to lash out at the person causing so many problems and natural to not respect the drinker's choices. You may even find the drunk states so demeaning that you've lost respect for the drinker. Don't use all that for an excuse to belittle because berating the drinker only adds to the shame and guilt already felt. The shame, guilt, and pain are the reasons the person drinks in the first place
Stop Enabling. The definition of enabling is to provide the means for the person to continue irresponsible behavior. Paying for the alcohol, paying bills, calling in to work, making excuses to others, picking up the mess, providing a ride home from bars, paying for DUI expenses, and more only allows the drinker to continue drinking because it keeps everything working and doesn't allow the person to experience natural consequences.
Stop Threatening. One of the reasons the drinker doesn't listen to what you say is because you've threatened many times to do things that you haven't done. When you do this along with repeatedly lecturing and saying the same things, you get tuned out. Instead of threatening which promises you will do certain things under a particular circumstance, wait until you know that it is a boundary that you are setting that you have the courage and resolve to follow through on.
Stop Controlling. You didn't cause the drinking, you can't cure the drinking and you can't control the drinking. It seems logical to try to control it by counting drinks, watching the drinker, punishing the drinker, and doing whatever else you can to discourage the drinking. It doesn't work and it only robs you of the ability to live your own life.
If you do these things, you will increase the odds that you will get the drinker sober.
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Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.
